Happily ever after?

(A little piece I submitted for my Creative Writing module at Uni.)

Once upon a time in a land far, far away lived an assortment of famous fairytale characters each battling with a bout of almighty dilemmas. Fortunately help is at hand with the swish of her wand and some mighty sound advice from the one and only Fairy Godmother and her fairytale problem page.

Living in Patriarchal Hell

Fairy Godmother, please, do help if you will,

Seven men and myself in our house on the hill.

I work hard all day to make our home glitter,

But lack of assistance has turned me so bitter.

The misogynist nitwits, they never give thanks.

They never say “cheers” when I scrub clean their pants.

I trek down to Tesco and stock up on tissues

On behalf of the one who has sneezing issues.

I’m always exhausted and feeling so rough,

How can I tell them I’ve had quite enough?

Snow White

For goodness sake, girl, you need to be stronger,

This homemaker’s hell can go on for no longer.

I’d get yourself out if they can’t lift a finger,

The plates won’t stay clean and the dust will then linger.

These men will soon realise how much they did slack,

And pleading and begging they’ll want you straight back.

Down in the Mouth

Help Fairy Godmother, I feel so distressed,

My ugly appearance just leaves me depressed.

I must be adopted, my brothers they tease,

They mock me and tell me I must be diseased.

Their feathers so golden, their bodies much smaller,

Adorned in dark grey, I’m an inch or so taller.

I yearn for self-worth but without friends to care,

I remain so despondent, knee deep in despair.

‘The inside counts more than the out’, people say,

But how can I stop myself feeling this way?

The Ugly Duckling

Those brothers of yours seem unwise and vindictive,

And duck ‘nip and tuck’ I am told is restrictive.

You’re right when you say that the inside’s worth more,

So hold your head high like a swan, I implore.

Don’t duck that head down with such low self-esteem

For your future is bright if you follow upstream.

Breathing’s a bother

Fairy Godmother, please do ease my health fears,

I have been a chain smoker for about thirty years.

My coughing just worsens, I can’t catch my breath.

My lungs, they are throbbing and I’m feeling like death.

I huff and I puff and while gasping and wheezing,

My pains never show any instance of easing.

Perhaps it is cancer, perhaps I will die

Regardless I fear that my chances aren’t high

How can I keep myself feeling alive?

And what must I do to ensure I survive?

The Big Bad Wolf

It sounds as though asthma is causing your pain,

Though thirty years smoking is no doubt to blame.

Nicotine patches will aid you in quitting,

The use of inhalers will keep you committing.

Make an appointment to visit the nurse,

Before it’s too late and your symptoms get worse.